The actual leaving moment of my journey to Calgary was totally surreal. I'd been planning on moving back "home" to Alberta for years, but from the time that I actually solidified my decision to the moment that I left seemed to absolutely fly by. At 7AM on September 17th I had loaded the last of my things into my car and stood on the driveway with my mom, dad, sister, beagle, and my boyfriend at the time. Nobody cried nearly as much as I thought they would, which was great, because I had an 8 hour solo drive ahead of me through the rockies. My boyfriend promised he'd move to Calgary to be with me in a few weeks.
The drive itself was liberating. There's something very empowering for a 20 year old girl when she conquers a 650km road trip on her own for the first time. I arrived in Calgary safely, and spent the first 2 weeks living with my aunt and uncle until my roommate arrived and our apartment was ready to be moved into. I started training for my new job, and really liked it a lot at first. Everything just kind of fell into place. My boyfriend moved to Calgary shortly after me, found a house, found a job, and things really started to fall into place with him too...until I went back to Kelowna in October.
I don't know what it was about going back to BC that changed me. I was only at my parents place (my former home, it was very strange) for 2 days, and I spent the majority of my time on the hiking trails in total solitude. I had a moment of clarity when I was almost at the peak of Knox Mountain, and it's hard for me to explain, but a deer wandered out of the forest and stood on the path in front of me; and all of a sudden my entire life became clearer than I ever knew was possible.
I know what you're thinking... "that freaking hippie, sounds like some sort of a weird acid trip to me..."...and I get it, it doesn't really make sense why staring face to face with a woodland creature made me decide to fly back to Calgary and end things with him...but that's honestly what did it. In all the simplicity and stillness of the autumn air, I realized what I loved almost more than anything; adventure, nature, beauty, being outdoors, appreciating sights and sounds and feelings and emotions; things that him and I had never seen eye to eye on. So upon my return to Calgary, I ended things after over two years together (ups and downs inclusive) and almost 3 months later, here I am, so incredibly glad that I made that decision when I did.
I continued moseying through life a little aimlessly, enjoying life in the city, finding empowerment in my newfound independence and falling in love with the little 850sqft apartment that Karley and I now call home. I spent a lot of time meditating after the breakup, because as I'm sure you can imagine, I was feeling incredibly guilty about everything I'd put him through...letting him change his entire life to move to Calgary to be with me and then leaving him only 2 weeks after he'd arrived here. My new friends at work would laugh and joke that I was such a bitch, which I felt was fairly accurate. I threw my energy into working out, cooking, keeping the apartment almost OCD spotless, and working two serving jobs. November came and went, as did December, my family came for Christmas, whose events will require an entirely separate post if I choose to discuss them (probably not, it was not a very positive time)...and now here I am, more than halfway through January.
-xo-ac <3
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